Sunday, September 22, 2013

Other problems

Aside from the risk of an ever expanding project, home renovations can be challenging, because, such a project can bring up lots of other issues.  Issues within ourselves. For instance, because such a project can be expensive, the issue of money is high up on the list.

For me, this project is difficult because it shows me, glaringly, this simple fact: I really don't know what I want. I don't know what I want in life. 

Some people talk about knowing a certain house is their forever home.  I have no idea what that is like.

Some people know that a particular town is their forever town. I have no idea what that is like.

While Hubby has lots of opportunities here in the Bay Area, and I have a pretty awesome work situation set up, and the kids love it here, and I love the park behind our house, I honestly don't know if this is our forever house, or our forever town.

We live in the suburbs, and I think wistfully, about the way Hubby and I started our marriage: in a city. Not just any city. THE city, THE BIG APPLE. Funny thing though, because we were in graduate schools at the time, we actually never considered staying there. Also, circumstances did not allow us to stay. These days, I dream about sending my kids on the subway so that they can go places on their own, without me driving them around. That I could walk around the block and get my hair cut, that dinner could come to me via a bike delivery dude, or dudette. Perhaps reading the paper on the subway, on my way to work? Being able to go hear a concert at Lincoln Center and get home in 20 minutes. Go see the Rangers play and be home in 20 minutes. (I better hurry, Madison Square Garden is moving in 2023.) Since moving back here, I have not heard a concert in San Francisco, because it just takes too long to get there, deal with parking, and drive back. To see the Sharks play this past week required us to sit in traffic for an hour to get there. Then we paid $25 to park the car.

Therefore, if my heart is in NYC, why bother renovating this?

This fantasy has huge implications about lots of other things, for instance, what do I do about my job? But that is another post for another blog.

Anyway, when I think about the kitchen reno, I think about all this stuff. It just gets tiring, you know.

For now, we are moving forward with this kitchen reno. We still have to eat and live while we are here, right?

As for the actual work. I will ordering the appliances tomorrow, and I will be signing off on the cabinets this week.

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